all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
