I need help removing her.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
