you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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