I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
false alarm, still single
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
