Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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