first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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