i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
