Just took my morning after pill in the library
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
