So drunk its hurt
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
