You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
