Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
