pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
