I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
even my farts smell like vagina
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
