just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
