Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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