I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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