I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
