Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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