that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
