New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
