Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
