she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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