i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
fuck your aforementioned shoe
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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