ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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