sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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