I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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