Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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