I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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