I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
