Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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