We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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