I must be too annoying 4 u.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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