I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
