So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
