that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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