last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
