he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Everclear isn't food dammit
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
