it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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