My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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