dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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