allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
