I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
