the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
