I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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