Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Drunk is not a location!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
