Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
