she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
