I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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