They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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