I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
