my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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